Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
