If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
