So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
