he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
smell my finger.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The feeling are messing with the penis
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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