Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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