What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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