Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
