How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
