Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
