I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Your cock deserves a montage
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
