If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
