Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
