I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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