Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize