why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
