I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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