I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
