So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
