Will you blow on my dice?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
