We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
