and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
