I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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