sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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