i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
