Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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