she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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