ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize