My brain says no but my pants say off.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
