Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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