It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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