I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
