Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I did not marry a roomba.
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