she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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