perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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