You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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