You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
