We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
