omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
