My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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