bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
