You smell like stripper and shame
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
