It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
