dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
