He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
