i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
