Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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