I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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