Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
