Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
