at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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