I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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