I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
