We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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