The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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