some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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