I'm lost and stupid without you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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