I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
