i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
