just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Holy sore nipples Batman
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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