They should really pass out barf bags in church
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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