i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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