felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
