The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need to calm my uterus...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
