I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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