So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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