If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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