Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just gift wrapped bread.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
