I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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