Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
