he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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