I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
