my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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